haiz... this is rly too much!! way too much!! that i rly jus wish i can vanish from the face of this earth right now....!! everything just isnt right at all!! everything ranging frm.. at home.. in sch.. in church.. JUST SIMPLY EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE! im like a living robot.. expected to obey orders all the way throughout my entire life and not have my own decisions made n carried out... what is this man!!!! i'm human! i have my rights! i can think for myself! i know exactly what i want! [do i?] i can make decisions for myself! even if they are the wrong decisions i can learn from my mistakes! that's the only way i can learn to grow! isnt it?! if i jus keep doing what others tell me to do what shit can i learn la! if im forced to do smth wht shit cn i learn frm it!? haiz dun wan to say too much also..... im jus sick n tired of life!!! right here n right now, i just feel like ending it la.... but no i WONT!! that will b so pointless!!! i rather suffer temporarily on earth than enternity in hell..... i wont give in so easily!!! even if things dun go my way [as it always does]..... just give me a break ok!!!! or i might jus go mad!! no wait.. im alr mad.... ok nvm!!! im talking a whole lot of rubbish..... rly going crazy alr!! no no.. wait agn... im alr crazy.... ok so lets say.... im getting crazier!!!!! not in tt good sense of crazy.. eh den agn crazy nt gd at all wht m i talking..... ok not as in zi high or high kind of crazy but crazy crazy.... lyk everything jus totally out of control......... im seriously such a failure la...... my own life cnt even control.. my own problems cnt even resolve... own health cnt even take care... own work cnt even do... yet stil wan to help others w their probs wan take care of others wan others to take care wan help others w their work................ what am i thinking sia!!!!! i must really really be mad to even think that that will actually work out........... how wrong!!!! sighs..... perhaps i just shouldnt bother about the lifes of others..... its their life! they want to do wht i cnt stop them coz ultimately its THEIR LIFE! im not in control [neither are they tho]