what exactly does christmas mean..? isn't it suppose to be the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ? over the years Christmas has evolved to become "Christmas" aka Xmas.. it has become the time whr ppl get tghr to exchange gifts and eat and drink.... turkey, pork, roasted beef, ham, red wine, logcakes.................... wht link does all these food has to the birth of Christ, may i ask......? bt yet, tt's jus d way ppl are celebrating christmas nw... whr did christmas trees, christmas wreaths, candycanes all originate frm tt it has been such a part of our yearly so-called Christmas celebrations tt has totally no link to the Birth, in my opinion...? christmas has lost it's meaning...... almost totally!!tt's quite sad to know...i thot it's supposed to be smth Sacred.... and not lyk a reason fr u to buy presents fr ppl, spd money etc etc etc...... so wht if cny is aft christmas... singles "get" their money back..... and so......? spd more money during the christmas season on presents...?presents that has totally no link to the birth of Christ.....?sighs...i admit im guilty of nt holding up to the true meaning of christmas anymore........bt some reflection needs to b done abt this srsly..........is God rly present in all the feasting and partying.....?noticed i mentioned "christmas season"? christmas has become a SEASON!! a mere HOLIDAY!! and not a holy day as it is supposed to be)): it really is very very VERY SADDENING!!

oh yay d blog is finally gonna b updated once more..whee!!-.-

loads hv been happening lately tt i dunno whr to begin... bt my life has been a bore as usual...so yea..

the past mth had loads of ups and downs.... i had plenty of fun w my frens, which i dun usually hv (referring to d fun btw)...went swimming quite often...yeaps...suddenly had this fascination over swimming so i jus kept going...LOL!! bt whn dere's fun dere's also loads of unhappy things happened tt turned my whole life upside down...rather my whole fam...sighs..shall nt elaborate here bt dun ask if ure wondering...yep...

hv been hving quite bad sore throat fr abt 2 to 3 weeks nw..sian...i think it's wk3 of my sore throat le..getting btr alr tho...first wk it was so bad tt i wake up every mrng w no voice at all..bt usually by d aftnn it'll b btr alr..second wk was more or less d same..sometimes it's d reversed..i wake up fine bt by aftnn wil go downhill..nw it's super pain in d evening..esp whn i yawn..rawrr!!n my stupid phlegm is lyk uber green n refuse to come out alr..sighs...ohh well..jus hate being sick..esp w sore throat&cough): den dunno y lyk last fri gt quite bad diahorrea in d mrng den aftnn felt so woozy n also felt lyk puking lo....sunday mrng also..had lyk a short blackout in church...dunno wht's wrong lo...bt i dun think im gg to doc either way...

getting uber fat!frm nt exercising..cnt rly consider swimming much of an exercise cn u?hope i'll b able to wake up tmr to run..rawrr!!so sian la..bt i nvr gain wt as usual..heh..

tuition is getting stressful!!tho im nt rly showing...gave my kid a test last wk on d basic topic of numbers...her rslt: 10.5/50!!cn u imagine tt?!gosh!!worse than her first test!!alot worse!!frm 32/100 to 10.5/50 aka 21/100!!same topic somemore...rawrr!!both tyms she left all d problem sums out...liddat 20m gone!!sheesh!!made her do d problem sums in 30min ytd...n she cn get all correct lo!!so it's lyk nt tt she dunno hw to do bt lyk lazy or smth...sigh...dunno how to help sia...sheesh!!den all her marks frm d other 2 sections gone due to careless mistakes lyk she cn do one part bt miss out another part whn d freaking qn is only 1 mark n no 0.5mark awarded kinda thing....piss me off!!den whn she nvr miss any steps at all she hv loads of calculation errors!!!wrkg correct bt calculation wrong!!!u tell me liddat hw la!!!)):tmr last lesson b4 her pp nxt fri alr....coz apparently she has supplementary on mon (which sch stil giv freaking supplementary lessons during exam wk?!), piano on tues (which parents in d right state of mind cont piano lessons during exam wk?!), tuition on wed (this i hv nth to say), thurs is her eng pp (God knows wht she has on aft tt), fri is her math pp!!!hw liddat?bt i stil gg on fri to teach sci-.-life sucks shit la.....

ohh ytd aft tuition i went on a food shopping spree....cn u imagine...?me spdg so much $$..?jus on food??whn im so complaining tt im FAT!!rawrr!!dunno wht's w me...rawrr!!!lyk i spd $4.50 on 4cups of cupnoodles,$1.50 on bread (frm breadtalk btw nt gardenia loaf),$20.10 on 8 oranges, 2 pears&2pkts of coffee (frm shaw's isetan's okinawa/nigiwai fair)...$26.10 jus gone in a day on food.....i think tt's d most ive ever spt in a day esp if it's only on food....usuallywhn im out i spd lyk less than $5 on food..plus misc things lyk arcade/movie is also less than $20 or at max $20 in a day lo...sigh...unless eat at restaurant on special occasion la...other than tt i dun spd much..?n nw liddat....over d nxt wk muz save,save,SAVE!!

i wan swim bt i wun hv anyone's hse to swim at til nxt mth)): sigh...dun wan waste money go swimming complex n share d pool w so many others whn i cn hv it free at a condo n cn even hv d pool to myself at tyms (tt's y it's called public pool & private pool fr tt reason tho-.-)....say i kiam siap fr all i care la...im jus being practical....

hv been gg dear's hse every fri fr dinner... tmr wil b 3weeks in a row le...heh..

i wanna learn hw to plat Taeyang's wedding dress!!!i managed lyk only d first pg....right hand nia...my left hand too slow fr d timing...so whn put tghr it's totally off!!!sigh...noob!!!ohh i also wanna buy Taeyang's album....anyone noe whr i cn find it...?((:is it even out in sg...?-.-but i jus bought the magic of David Foster cd....d reason in which i managed to giv myself to part w tt $$ is coz i nvr buy myself any cds fr yrs.....den nw i hv no reason to get Taeyang's)):

d other day whn i took out my keyboard aft yrs of nt taking it out, i had d shock of my life!!ok d story dates back to smth tt happened abt a yr ago....so here goes...my dustbin used to b beside my keyboard box (coz i used to slp d wrong direction last tym)...one day whn i was clearing d clearly overflowing-w-tissue dustbin, a cockroach happily jumped out of d dustbin n ran under my bed!!i sprayed d unders of my bed, lyk literally spam, w insecticide...so i thot "yay! it's dead..." or rather it shld hv been...coz i didnt see it anymore aft tt...bt days aft tt incident i had baby roaches all over my room...which i killed la-.-sometimes around d hse....den i was thinking "d roach died alr y stil gt babies?" and den i gt my ans d other day (almost a yr ltr) whn i took out d keyboard....coz my crumpler is nw in d place of my dustbin, i had to move it away to take out d keyboard (dusty la...crumpler v precious cannot get dirty tho it's nt tt clean)..aft taking d keyboard out, i saw tt d box inside had lyk loads of shit (roach's shit), bt didnt think too much into it...so i closed d box n wanted to put my crumpler back, i saw a dead roach (yes, d one tt jumped out of my dustbin abt a yr ago) in d place whr i wanted to put my crumpler....lucky i nvr put it dwn..haha..so how i noe tt tt roach was d same one?coz on d keyboard i found a roach egg.....tt's nt d end!!i cleared it n contd playing d keyboard...aft hrs i gt tired n put d keyboard aside..in d place of whr d keyboard was while i was playing was another roach egg!!(tt roach muz hv been super fertile.....so many eggs)...cleared it agn bt was making a mental note of nt slping in my room tt aftnn...unplug d adapter n coiled d wire....while coiling d wire..guess wht...?yet ANOTHER roach egg!!!this tym round i didnt clear it..i drop d adapter on d floor took my pillow n nvr went back to my room fr d rest of tt day...eh til my parents came back n cleared d cockroach n egg tt is...den my daddy cleaned d box of all d roach shit too... (thanks daddy!!((:) ok the end....

ohh i think my dad has been v cute d past mth..heh...lyk some small kid liddat...gets v happy over d smallest things...lyk laugh alot more, den getting more playful etc...lyk i help cook dinner n wash up n he's happy fr d rest of d nite...den if i 4get to help him put med he wil come up to me n whine...or aft putting d first med den need wait 5min b4 d second, i'll go do my own things, and if i go over slightly past 5min he'll pout at me n say "i thot u 4get abt me alr"... im alot lyk my dad (money-wise)...if i wan buy tidbits or icecream etc i'll think long n hard b4 getting...n most of d tym i wont get it at all....bt once whn we were at ntuc i was looking at d icecream coz i wanted to get bt feel tt it's a waste of money n he got it fr me w/o even me saying anything or himself thinking twice!!den d other night i went to top-up ez-link card w him n go ntuc aft tt to get milk....he cn ask "u wan anything...?snacks or wht..?"... usually whn i go out n tell him tt im gg out he'll say "y muz go out all d tym?cannot stay at home ar?go out only spd $$" bt ytd he laughed n say "ok...are u stil coming home fr dinner?" so weird la!! den usually if im suppose to b home fr dinner my parents wil expect me to reach home by 730pm d latest unless i tell them i'll b home late bt stil wan dinner...so ytd i decided to go over to dear's hse aft shopping at orchard, by d tym i left his hse was alr 730pm..at abt 750pm my mum called to ask whr i was (usually she wld hv screamed in d phone alr) bt i told her i was 3stops frm home n she only said "ok come home soon chicken at home waiting to b eaten..daddy&i eat first.." den whn i finally reached home at 8pm they nvr giv me black face at all (which they usually do whn im home later than they expect me to b) stil cn smile smile at me n make fun of d chicken.....so weird!!! mb tt's d power of praying d rosary tghr every night.... i dunno y bt most of d tym i'll feel super happy fr no reason while praying d rosary w daddy...n whn mummy joins in i'll feel happier((: jus tt last nite i was super tired.. i hvnt bathed so i didnt pray)):

ok end of my boring life....till then....((:

well.. it has been SUPER LONG since ive last updated... dunno who still comes to my blog to see if ive updated but who cares.. i'll jus blog anws...

well life... as usual... sucks.... dunno y bt lately ive been losing my cool v easily... ohh wells.. sigh..... things dont always go the way you've planned it to b does it....?

moving on............. it has been months since results were out....... shall not talk abt tt...... tho depressing i must say....... so what's next? if i cant get into uni............. shld i waste a yr....? def nt gonna retake........ anyone wan sponsor my education.....? sighs........ even i myself dunno wht i wanna b in future...... d only thing i see myself doing, everyone is lyk against tt idea!!!! so frustrating....!!! i rly hate my mum fr wanting to control my life!!! ITS MY FUTURE!! NOT HERS!!! cant she let me do smth tt i hv interest in and tt i cn see myself doing?! rather than WHAT SHE WANTS ME TO DO?! JUS BCOZ SHE DIDNT GET TO DO IT LAST TYM!?!?!? srsly.. FUCK!! sighs.... RAWRR!!

i love going out w deardear!! heh.. movies!!! I WAN WATCH SHREK!! whee!!! i srsly want tt sandals and shoes!!! go back w me to buy!! mummy dun wan buy fr me:( say no money... yar rite.... boo!!!! i buy fr u white socks k? haha... swensens! shokudo! dimsum!! rawrr!!! i wan eat!! heh... love my deardear to bits and pieces!!! woots!!

clothes clothes clothes........ im slowly starting on my major revamping of my clothes... so far deardear bought me 2 pairs of shorts... and ive gotten myself 3 tops........ i rly need tt sandals and shoes!!! all my shoes srsly dun match my clothes anymore!!! i shld stop wearing jeans... but my skirts are lyk eww... ohh wells...... i need white heels too!!! shopping anyone......? [bt muz wait til i get $$!!!!]

im dead broke!!! to hit my aim i hv to save... LOADS!! tho i hv enuff alr....... but if i deposit tt amnt jus nice den i'll hv nth to spd at all!!!! gosh!!! rly need stop spding unnecessary $$!! but i need new clothes and footwear DESPERATELY!!! how?

aft so long of nt updating.... haha!! ok A Level's are LONG GONE!! woots!! and ive essentially wasted 1mth away... yeps... spding loads of money over d xmas season etcetcetc.... watched movies, go places, went overseas, rot at home..... the list goes on... ive packed my hse!!!! but its in a mess agn THANKS TO THE REST OF THE PPL WHO LIVE UNDER THE SAME ROOF AS ME!! DUN WAN HELP ME PACK BUT MAKE THINGS EVEN MORE MESSY!!! still blame me fr nt packing!! LOOK WHO'S TALKING!!!! hmm hv been out alot lately.... beginning of d hols kp gg nic's n jes' hse.... den dear's hse... almost everyday nt home fr meals den reach home lyk slightly b4 mn kinda thing.... sheesh.... the days frm xmas eve onwards are more exciting la... xmas eve deardear came over fr dinner... den xmas day i went fr mass den go deardear's hse in d evening fr dinner... d following day went to nic's hse play guitar den go deardear's hse fr dinner agn... den on mon went fr wedding mass at ihm den went to mrs tan's hse.... she brought us to north pt.. ate at swensen's den went to play arcade... super crazy.. LOADS OF SWTS!! hahah.... den on tues went deardear's hse den we went to watch movie w ty n his gf.... aft tt deardear n i went fr dinner n went to sit flyer!!! hahaha!!! so cool.... but at nite den all d pics we took v dark xcept d lights-.- on wed went to sentosa w d class... or supposedly the class but as usual nt the whole class turn up de la.... had loads of fun dere... lyk one whole mth nvr see them... aft tt rushed to meet deardear to hv dinner coz his mum's bday......... on thurs went fr some stupid job interview den came home aft lunch to slp n play den went to kim's hse w deardear fr countdown... were d last to reach.. hahah... oh wells.... had loads of fun playing cards.... listening to ghost stories.... playing guess the number.. and drinking... hahah!!! slpt only at 7am.... til lyk 9plus.... yepyep... aft tt went to deardear's hse fr lunch n slpt dere........ den he came to my hse fr dinner.... hahahah..... ytd went out w deardear agn... in d evening to watch sherlock holmes..... damn nice movie!!!! rly v nice.... hahahah.... HAPPY 17TH MONTHSARY DEARDEAR!!! den had dinner aft d movie den go home... n as usuall sundays i rot at home aft church... HAHA!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! [TDAY LAST DAY OF XMAS!!!] cheers!!! ive updated a boring post.. HAHA!

ok i'm nt gonna be crazy n blog abt the whole entire retreat... dun hv tt much tym to do tt.. tho i wld love to... but by den this post wld hv lost its meaning.. shall jus post my take away on each session ok not all but those tt i hv things to say.. but onli focusing on one particular session.. yep..

Session 1: outside in

what: we wrote wht we think we are to others our "exterior" on d outline of our palms (draw on pp duh). moving in, we wrote our personal qualities.. and in d centre [a circle]. we wrote wht we think is our real inner self.. cut out d palm paste on our backs allowed others to write wht they think of us.. picked a bible verse at random n wrote in d circle.
take away: for me wht i wrote and wht others wrote of me were totally different.. onli 1 was same.. den as i continued to compare wht i wrote w wht others wrote i realised wht i wrote had more bad pts abt myself than gd... mb im jus too pessimistic.. i focus too much on my weakness than my strengths... hmm.. wht do u think....? "You are precious and honoured in my sight... I love you..." -Is 43:4

Session2:

what: started w those illusion pictures.. u noe.. those pics w hidden pics.. hiyah whtever u call it i dun care.. den moved on to watch a video abt a father and son team in a triathelon...
take away: frm the first part of the session.. in life, we tend to look onli on the surface of things.. we hardly look deeper.. but actualli if we put in the effort to look deeper into d smaller picture, we can see a bigger picture... its jus d same with life.. we look at life on its surface... we bcum v superficial and materialistic.. hv we stopped to look at d deeper meaning of life? nt rly rite? we are jus so caught up w activities everyday we hardly pause to reflect on wht is it tt we're rly doing.. the meaning of life.. wht is it.. do we know? will we ever noe? wht is our purpose on earth..? y did God create us...? wht is our mission? has anyone ever wondered these days..? ive been so caught up w studying fr prelims.. ok nt only prelims.. but i even left choir in d beginning of this yr to focus on studies.. n nw gonna get caught up studying fr alvls... but these studying.... i rly ask myself.. y am i studying so much.. wht fr.. jus to get a gd job in future.. is tt rly my purpose in life.. y am i nt happy studyin.. whn i die nxt tym i also dun need the info i study to get into Heaven wht.. nt lyk dere's written examination on wht ive studied on earth.. i jus feel tt dere's smth missing in my life.. life has lost its purpose for me.. lyk super meaningless.. i muz go find back my meaning in life.. but will i make tym fr it......?
frm second part of the session.. fr me, the handicapped son is lyk all of us, sinners.. and the father is God.. for a handicapped person, completing a triathelon is very much impossible.. but for the son in d video, his father made it possible..! let's say the triathelon is our life journey.. we are running d race of life.. we hv to complete it no matter what.. but life is not smooth sailing as u all noe it.. but with God, all things are possible.. God is lyk the father in d video coz He's always dere helping us to reach our "goal" to finish the race of our lives no matter wht the cost may be.. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. -Phil 4:13

Session3:

what: water balloon game.. aim: to bring water balloon safely across.. pairs toss balloon to each other frm one end to other.. each light stick 20pts..
take away: frm wht i saw of d game, abt 9 out of 10 pairs picked up d light sticks on d way.. whn d main aim was jus to get d balloon safely across.. in life its jus d same.. we hv a purpose in life.. but along d way, we hv many things tt distract us [the light sticks]..and often than nvr, we allow those distractions steer us away frm our goals.. we take a longer tym than usual to achieve our goal.. but paying attn to those distractions.. is it worth? is dere even tt need to?

Session4: Reconciliation

take away: anxiety... instant results.. dere's no such thing as instant is dere? doubts.. God has His way of doing things and He'll do it in due time. we hv to wait patiently instead of demanding...

Session6:

what: each person a piece of pp to write 5 dreams.. aftrwhich we are supposed to piece all 156 pieces of pp tghr to form a pic..
take away: we took approx an hr to piece everything tghr.. at first nt knowing wht d pic is supposed to be.. we were all doing our own things.. trying to form a big pic in small separate grps.. which obviously didnt work.. we had to move as a team.. initially we did nt hv d pic to guide us along.. but once d pic was flashed, we had a direction, all we needed was to piece d pieces tghr.. very true in life... its lyk tt isnt it.. our life is lyk the big picture tt we're supposed to piece tghr.. however we do not hv d big picture to guide us, so we move ahead rather aimlessly.. nt knowing wht to do, which piece fits in whr.......
our masterpiece of last year's retreat...

i rly dunno how some ppl cn jus b so super irritating.... jus makes me wonder how in d wrld they hv frens at all.... rly gets on my nerves!!!

if u dunno who i referring to dun bother asking or making wild guesses and coming to wrong conclusions..... if u noe u noe if u dun TOO BAD! YOU DONT!

You Are All of This to Me
Melissa Collette

You're the thought that starts each morning,
the conclusion to each day.
You are in all that I do,
and everything I say.

You're the smile on my face,
the twinkle in my eye.
The warmth inside my heart,
the fullness in my life.

You're the hand that's laced in mine,
the coat upon my back.
My friend, my love,
my shoulder to lean on.

You're my silly, mature, caring,
thoughtful, bright and honest guy.
The one who holds me tightly,
when I need to cry.

You're the dimple in my cheek,
the ever-constant tingle in my soul.
The voice that makes me weak,
the happiness of my life.

You are all I've wanted,
you are all I need.
You are all I've dreamed of,
you are all of this to me.

Two of Me
Anne G. Fegely

I never thought I'd find myself
the day that I found you.
Plans for only
one of me
are future plans for
two.
Soul mates in this universe
that make the world surreal.
For when I'd give up on dreams
you showed me love is real.
And now that all my love for you
will never cease to grow,
please take me in your loving arms
and never let me go.